For the last 3 to 4 years, I’ve been partaking in an event named ‘Bella Evening’. Or my full and real name evening if you know me well. Prerequisites require a free house (boyfriend being out and about), wine, cheese and a girlish drama of sorts. I’ve loved, even craved these evenings for the past few years. A chance to let down my Bridget Jones, sing youtube karaoke to my webcam in my pyjamas and collapse into the MIDDLE of the bed, without fear of retribution. So why is it tonight, I’m questioning my company?
I think it’s because generally, these days, I’m alone more. So the question is, how to be alone? Whilst one could take inspiration from this incredible youtube video, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs) how does one enjoy being alone when it happens so frequently, yet so seldom? Excuse the melodrama.
I’m alone most days. These days in #masterslife, I generally work from home. I look forward to boyfriend returning home at 7pm, dinner and drinks, or a night in front of The Hunger Games. So when boyfriend heads out of an evening, alone time turns into … lonely. Yet I do oh-so hesitate to use that word. I have beautiful and amazing friends, whatsapp and texts could provide me with a cinema or bar buddy in half an hour, yet I choose to stay alone. Why? When did my own company, which I love and crave so much, become questionable?
I believe it’s important to be alone. I’ve always been around people, always. My family home was full of people coming and going. One year, I remember 16 souls in a 3 bed semi for a month over Christmas. At university, I lived in a house of 9. I’ve always been around people. And don’t get me wrong, I love people. And because I love people, I believe in the importance of being alone. Whilst sociability is an exquisite trait, so is aloneness. I just need to remember that.
I used to cherish being alone. And in 6 months, when I have a full time job and am struggling with running a household, seeing friends and family and looking after a boyfriend (ladies, y’all know what I mean), I’m going to cherish it even more. These evenings are few and far between these days, and will become even more so in the future. My own company isn’t questionable, its essential. Not just now, but always, and I will love and enjoy me, myself and I for years and years to come. So should you.
Thank you for letting me vent, excuse me whilst I go bathe, watch Orange is the New Black and belt out ‘Titanium’. I believe it keeps me sane.