It occurred to me the other day that from the outside, I might appear slightly fake. I have fake teeth, fake hair, fake skin colour, hell, even a fake ankle. I’ve slowly turned into one of the girls I never wanted to be, and I’ve never been happier. In secondary school, these girls were so apparent. Everyone knew who they were and what they were up to. They were all beautiful and as much as anybody wanted to hate them, they were usually lovely. I’ve discovered as I’ve got older and moved onwards and upwards in the world, these girls have dispersed. They no longer hang around together but instead feel comfortable to mix with whoever, and if they do cluster, it’s hardly noticable. Of course, there will always be exceptions, but recently I’ve concluded that these girls in teams are no more.
My college is a prime example of this. Godalming has a reputation for being posh, wealthy and uppity and it was just that and more. I hated my first year. I have never felt so inadequate. Every day I had to see size zero sticks walking around with their orange faces, straw like yellow hair with those ridiculous leotards, leggings and uggs. Winter was fine, the make up toned down as did the amount of skin on show but come summer I could have been on a porn set the amount of flesh surrounding me. Me not wearing make-up, strolling about in my hippie kaftans with mens jeans, I stood out like a sore thumb. My second year was totally different. The majority of these girls moved onto greener pastures, leaving more real, healthy and happy girls that I discovered some incredible friendships within. Looking in the mirror the other day just made me think that I’ve somehow morphed into one of the girls I used to fear.
Despite perhaps looking like a try hard Malibu Barbie, I have never, and I will never give in to looking boring. Fashion has always been and will always be a tool to express myself and I’m so proud of myself that I have never let that slip. So yes, occasionally I have my jeans and t-shirts days, but more often that not I can be seen in some bizarre patterned trousers with a colourful top, wearing 1 of my 64 pairs of shoes. Life is too short to blend in. I’m happy. I never had tangerine dreams. I never wanted to have hitched up seams. As I’ve grown and matured it’s just something that has come naturally to my appearance, and I flipping love it. So judge if you want but hey, the outside means nothing compared to within, and I know who I am and that’s all that matters.